Original Esquire fashion xiansheng
Human emotions often appear ambiguous and complicated, and it is not uncommon for us to show polarized reactions to all kinds of people and things. And such a contradictory psychological state seems to be summed up by "insulting pursuit".
With the further normalization of "insulting pursuit", in real life, the phenomenon of "insulting pursuit" seems to be more common than we thought. When searching for "insulting pursuit" on major social media, we were surprised to find that "insulting pursuit victims" emerged one after another. They gradually discovered that over the years, it turned out that not only the boss, parents and lovers, but even themselves were insulting pursuit …
"chickens can’t make babies,
I can’t cock you yet? "
"Don’t you think the purpose of my saying these words to you is to make you better?"
"But I only feel that you are suppressing me."
I blacked out my boyfriend, not only because his words were too harsh for me, but also because he didn’t understand and was "stubborn". He and I began to fall in love when we were in college. After graduation, we chose different careers in the same city. I chose the school recruitment to enter a foreign company, and he chose to take the postgraduate entrance examination for further study. Two years later, I am still a small employee in the enterprise, and he has obtained the qualification of direct blog in key universities.
At first, when things didn’t go well at work, I would complain to him, and he was willing to help me relieve my emotions. Slowly, he became more and more busy, and I didn’t want to bother him all the time because of these.
But right after he started blogging,
His words began to taste different.
When I once again told him about the troubles at work, he suddenly began to persuade me to go to the on-the-job graduate students, saying that the level of these people in my current working environment is too low, and they will get better after reading the graduate students. Between the words and the words, the attitude of "knowing the king" is really mixed.
When I heard his suggestion, I didn’t feel happy, but I was suddenly offended. When he was just a graduate student, his senior once jokingly asked him, "Since he is in graduate school, why not find another graduate student, so that we can have a common language."
From then on, I knew that in the eyes of some people, there was also "reproductive segregation" between different academic degrees, as if only with the title of graduate student could I be worthy of him and become his "‘soulmate’". "
In my life of more than 20 years, I have always thought that I am an excellent ordinary person if I have a harmonious family, work hard, my salary can support my own expenses, and I can have several hobbies after work. But he was sarcastic after I was angry. I was dissatisfied with my job, but I didn’t improve myself. I changed to a better job, which was the performance of not being motivated enough and eating and waiting for death.
This hat makes me feel wronged. I just met an unpleasant thing at work. How can I wait until I die?
A few days later, he suddenly appeared in the downstairs of my company, apologized to me face to face, and revealed his true thoughts. Because I kept telling him what was wrong at work, he felt that I was asking for help, so he tried his best to give me more reasonable suggestions to change the status quo.
After listening, I can only smile bitterly. The difficulties and unpleasantness in life are so common that not all problems can be solved. Similarly, in an intimate relationship, after one party hurts the other, a frivolous "I do it for your own good" can’t really make up for the rift. After all, no one can stand the "insulting pursuit" of his partner.
"Listen to parents scold a scold,
Can’t you? "
After I graduated in 2015, I changed many jobs, but it is difficult for me to get too much positive feedback at work. After leaving my job at the end of 2023, I returned to my hometown and was unemployed at home, preparing to apply for overseas graduate students. My relationship with my parents is actually quite good. I have had the experience of staying at home after leaving my job before, so I naively thought that I should be able to get along with them when I go home this time.
After the age of 30, never stay in the same room with your parents for more than three days. “
This is my deepest feeling since I left my job and was unemployed at home.
It’s no accident that I decided to leave my job. I have worked in internet companies, 4A companies, traditional media and other industries. However, with the increase of my work experience, on the one hand, the high pressure of my work makes it difficult for me to get positive feedback and emotional value. On the other hand, I find that my existing knowledge reserve is seriously insufficient, and it is actually difficult for me to keep up with the rapidly developing society. Seeing that the students who chose to continue their studies when they graduated at that time are still studying in their favorite fields, I decided to resign and apply for overseas graduate students, change a track and continue to struggle.
In fact, when I jump out of the unchangeable life and choose a new path, I should realize that not everyone will understand and unconditionally support my decision, even my parents are no exception.
As a 31-year-old single woman who is unemployed at home and needs to spend several years studying in a foreign country, even if she has enough savings, it is difficult to resist the dissuasion of her parents and the "humiliation" of hating iron and not turning into steel.
"Can’t you honestly find someone to marry now?"
"I have to read that book. How old is it?"
"Now it’s hard to find a job at this age. What good job can you find after graduation?"
Such questions began to appear in my conversation with my parents one after another from the day I announced to my family that I would study abroad. Last December, my mother even showed up at my party with my blind date. The scene was very embarrassing at one time, and finally everyone broke up.
But in addition to these repeated hecklings, my parents are tolerant enough to me in daily life. When I see that I am busy preparing for IELTS after leaving my job, my mother will also buy me a lot of supplements to supplement my body.
I can understand that my parents dissuaded me because they thought
I am still a child who needs to be protected.
They want me to have a stable life, such as a stable job and a happy marriage, rather than let me face the uncertainty in my life alone.
Years ago, I finally received my favorite offer. Although I still can’t resist my parents’ nagging, fortunately, my future is just around the corner. I can only hope that the old couple can let go of their "obsession" as soon as possible.
"The care of leaders,
How can it be called insulting pursuit? "
I have always felt that I am a very strong person. Since junior high school, I have been attending boarding schools. No matter in life or study, you are not allowed to be worse than others, especially in college. In the four years of college, my GPA has been quite high, and besides, I have joined many clubs. It is precisely because I was really excellent when I was a student that teachers, family and friends around me always praised me.
After graduating from undergraduate course, I listened to the opinions of my family. Instead of going to a foreign company I liked, I went back to my hometown and went to work in a local state-owned enterprise.
I thought that working in a state-owned enterprise was equivalent to providing for the elderly.
But I didn’t expect, pension? It doesn’t exist.
As an accountant, I think my working ability is acceptable, but since I started working, several old colleagues have been critical of me in every way, and when they made a little mistake, they began to question my ability and asked me, "Is this the only level of graduates from famous universities?"
The fragmented and contradictory attitude of the leaders directly under me is even more unacceptable. In private conversations, I am constantly scolded for being "not motivated enough, poor in learning ability and too lazy" and asked me to treat my work more seriously. At the meeting, he borrowed me to beat the old employees, and often praised me in front of others for my ability, obedient, good temper and sensible. "Look at Xiao Liu, who is really a hexagonal warrior."
When I was in college, I could directly feel my ability and reward based on my grades and rankings, which seemed to be getting farther and farther away from me. I am doing the same job, accepting ambiguous "praise" and straightforward depreciation. Gradually, I realize that I can no longer immerse myself in emotions, and I can’t care too much about the evaluation of my leaders and colleagues. Only "desensitization" and "fooling" can make my breasts smoother.
In the face of the leader’s "humiliation pursuit", I responded with "uh-huh". In the face of colleagues’ criticism, I responded with "ha ha ha ha", and the negative emotions of inferiority and doubt gradually drifted away from me. I successfully desensitized myself to the leader’s "humiliation pursuit".
"I humiliated myself."
You ask me what is the highest realm of PUA? That’s self PUA, and I firmly believe that I’m giving myself chicken blood by doing so.
Young people don’t work hard, long university design, every overtime night, I will scream this sentence in my heart.
I thought that after graduating from high school, the years of high-intensity preparation for exams would become history, but I didn’t expect that for civil engineering students, no qualification certificate means no job, and studying architecture means no return.
From CET-4 and CET-6 in college to construction engineer and cost engineer after graduation, I have to take time off to prepare for the exam in high-intensity work.
Too many certificates and too long road, today’s rice bowl may not be tomorrow.
I was robbed by someone with an extra certificate.
In this persistent sense of crisis and high-intensity working environment, I learned to "humiliate myself" and gradually realized a kind of happiness from it.
Before the research, I learned to go to work from six o’clock in the morning and from work to two o’clock in the evening. Every night, I told myself that today’s efficiency was not high enough, and I should concentrate more tomorrow, and I would reward myself with a day of relaxation after the exam. After the textual research, I kept telling myself that this was not the end. Don’t be afraid of the certificate and take it lightly. I should always keep studying and change to another certificate to continue the exam.
But I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for life after taking the exam. "
Eating is the energy of textual research, sleeping is the energy of textual research. If you pass the exam, you don’t reward yourself and feel that you deserve it. If you fail the exam, you will be crazy about yourself and feel that you have IQ problems.
I am the kind of person who has no fun in life. I don’t have many hobbies, but I strongly need to be recognized and affirmed. Textual research can not only give my ability recognition from the official level, but also repay my efforts in stages. It can be said that textual research is my only hobby and a tool for my livelihood.
My friends say that I am too hard on myself and my health is prone to problems. Admittedly, after graduation, my physical fitness has dropped a lot. Last year, I fainted at home because of studying all night. After being sent to the hospital, the doctor told me that it was myocarditis and needed to be nursed back to health.
In order to make my life more healthy, I also tried to get myself out of the high pressure of preparing for the exam and told myself to slow down. If I fail the next exam, I think I will tell myself: You have worked hard, but you are not lucky this time.
Love is love, it is purely naked, expressing love completely and without reservation, which is a subject that we all need to learn. Perhaps, we can hug each other and ourselves more freely by removing the packaging of "insulting pursuit".
TALK TALK
When does it start,
Do you find yourself experiencing "humiliation"?
Edit Sissi Hua
Author 6024
Illustration YS
Visual Ivy
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Original title: "I don’t want to be humiliated, I blacked out my boyfriend who knows Wang"
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